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by Julia
(New York City)

My parents are always instructing my every move. Or so it seems. I know this is a difficult time for both myself and them, I am 14. What I don't understand just yet are the boundries of where I can go and where they will be disappointed should I go.

I want to hang out with my friends and I want to go when ever they call. I know that isn't practical 100% of the time but I feel as though they should trust me more and give me more freedom.

This is where we usually get into long arguments that lead to me saying something that usually gets me thrown in my room. What should be a great place to be at times is more like a jail cell when these arguments take place.

I don't want to argue so what should I do? Just listen and do what they say? Shouldn't I have rights too?

Julia

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Dec 21, 2009
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Parents In Today's World
by: Anonymous

My how the times have changed. Generations come and go and the age old gut feeling a parent has towards their children never changes. We are all victims of that unknown harm that might come to one of our very own. Thus the trust a parent can provide to a child is always conflicted to the unknown random harm that can take over a situation when their children are out there on their own.

Give and take I always say and trust your parents and give them the respect they deserve and they in turn will provide it back to you as well.

Mar 08, 2009
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Parents Views
by: California Dad

Very tough topic for both sides of the equation. The best advice is always be willing to listen. Don't make up your mind as if it your way is the only way.

Allow your parents to talk without showing any negative facial expressions. I know with my girls that goes a long ways. When I think they are listening and they seem to care about what Im saying I find myself paying it back to them and being a better listener as well.

No easy way to do it. My girls want to go to the Hollywood night scene all the time. But as a father I have my views. So we come to a middle ground if we can and all works out. Soon you will be 21 and off and running like the rest of us and wish you were back in your teens....

CA Dad.

Jan 03, 2009
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A solution
by: Molly

I am 13 and had the same problem. Ttry once more with facts that support the statement you are trying to make. Don't let the conversation get out of control by keeping a calm voice. Figure out a way to show them you are responsible and trustworthy, even if it takes some time. That's what I did and I noticed they had more trust in me as far as going downtown and hanging out with friends.

Aug 04, 2008
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Thoughts from an Imperfect Dad
by: Marc

Dear Julia,

As a father of a daughter I can honestly say that I worry when my daughter isn’t where I think she should be. I also know that it is nearly impossible to have a meaningful conversation when emotions are running high.

Consider postponing talks with your parents until things have calmed down. When the time is right ask for a family meeting to discuss a problem that you are having in understanding the parameters of your freedom. Use this conversation to find out what you can do to expand the freedoms of movement you seek. If they are unwilling to make immediate changes ask for a quarterly review so that you can know if you are progressing (put it on the family calendar) – that in itself should impress them!

Before you are done be sure to thank your parents for loving you enough to care. If they didn’t care they would allow you to do anything you wanted – regardless if it was in your best interests.

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